Laura Collins is a carer. Here she shares her tips for coping with caring.

They call us the sandwich generation – those of us that are trying to juggle many roles: providing care to older relatives, coping with teenagers, grandchildren and also holding down jobs. We are stretched in every direction. Over the years I have unfortunately had to learn the hard way about keeping well, and keeping strong. There was no such thing as a carer when I started caring 23 years ago!

We know carers contribute significantly to their families, but at what cost to themselves? Recent government strategies have focused on people choosing health. The nation smokes, drinks and eats too much. However,for the carer, the option of choosing health is really not an option at all. The reality is that caring brings compromise. Compromised social well-being, compromised economic well-being and compromised health and physical well-being.

Damaged health

The evidence is finally showing what we carers have known about for years. In 1998, Carers UK published a report, ‘Ignored and Invisible’, stating that 52% of carers had been treated for stress because of their caring role. One carer put it like this: “When a dog goes to sleep, it’s got one ear up. That’s what its like to care for someone.” Never being able to relax has long-term detrimental effects on your health. Adrenaline is essential for coping in a crisis. However, the continuous production of this‘fight or flight’ hormone in response to demanding caring scenarios results in fatigue and poor health  - carers are more susceptible to depression, high blood pressure, infectious illnesses and heart disease.

Keeping well, staying strong

We see that caring can be damaging for your health. But I believe that keeping well and strong is an achievable goal. So, how do we stay sane and manage the stress of caring? How do you know when you have had enough? Very often, the first step is in recognising that it is actually okay to have needs. Becoming a super carer isn’t always the best route in the long run, and investing in your own care is vital if you want to be a well and contented carer. It is not the amount of stress we experience that causes illheath, but our perception of the source of stress and how we respond to it. Our mind plays an important part in keeping well.At times, caring is no more than basic survival. It is self preservation for another day of care. Caring can become a barren and bleak place. But with good time management and adequate support, there can come a time when life is more manageable and rewarding.

Just rewards

All the members of my family I have cared for have had cognitive difficulties, and so I feel my caring has often been thankless. To keep my emotional energy supplies topped up, I need to reward myself. I am tied to my home most of the time, but I source support there. I love flowers, gardens and art. So my rewards might be an afternoon spent gardening or time with the cats, watching an art programme, or surfing the web waiting for my son to settle for the night. These are some of the ways that I bring pleasure into my restricted lifestyle and weave beauty into my daily life.

I do not want to hit burn-out, but have come close on several occasions. At times, I have demanded too much of myself. Now, as I get older, I find I have to invest more in myself to continue in the caring role.

Inner strength

Last year, my son asked me a question following a nervous breakdown. He wanted to know if a certain saying was true: “What doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger.” I reassured him that it was. I have thought a lot about this concept since then, and for me it has proved to be true. I have learned to accept each crisis as a normal part of my life, and have grown as a human being through having to deal with the problems that have been sent my way. In doing so, I have been able to keep well,and to keep strong. Through caring I have found an inner strength that I could never have imagined I had.

Further help

• Depression Alliance : Helpline: 0845 123 2320 www.depressionalliance.org
• MIND : Information line: 0845 766 0163 www.mind.org.uk
• Samaritans : Helpline: 08457 909 090 www.samartians.org

There just aren’t enough hours in the day! So how is it possible to get all our caring tasks completed, and still have time to ourselves? The answer is - to think smarter, not work harder. The following suggestions have worked for me.

1. Spending time worrying is a waste of time, and produces a negative and unhelpful mindset. Speed up decision-making by listing the positives and negatives, then make your informed choice, and let go of the outcome.

2. Avoid procrastination. Prioritise demands,schedule the worst tasks first, and schedule in your free time. Giving yourself something to look forward to, no matter how small. It brings a sense of control over life, reducing feelings of stress.

3. Delegate work - this can be hard to do. Agree the shared caring that you want to do.

4. Be organised and reduce the clutter. I feel so much better for doing this. I have found that when there is order, coherence and unity in my life I can feel at home and feel secure. I can cope better.